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Epic Fail

This story is probably one of my most epic fails - I talked a little about this in my first blog but here’s the whole story.

It was the first week of July and my roommates boyfriend was moving in with us from Virginia. It was a Friday night and he brought his friend Johnny with him. Johnny is 6’6, crazy hot, and he does special effects makeup so he has that bad-ass rocker thing going on.

The night they arrived I was out drinking with some friends at Blockheads (If you live in the city or ever visit go to Blockheads, four dollar frozen margaritas. WIN.) I don’t remember much about that night, just that my friends had to change me into my pj’s and I was put to bed at 10pm. I guess it’s always an epic night when your friends have to put you to bed. I woke up at 4am hung over. I stumbled into the kitchen in a white t-shirt and frog boxers, very attractive. The 6’6 rocker came into the kitchen to introduce himself and at first I didn’t think anything of it. I found him attractive but not really my type - I’m the kind who rates Josh Groban as one of her top celebrity crushes. Johnny seemed to be like that hot misfit in school. He seemed unobtainable and allusive, someone who probably had pet rats or something but you couldn’t deny that he was sexy.

We ended up hanging out in the living room talking about infomercials. All I could really think is why is this kid up at 4am watching infomercials. A few days passed and again I didn’t think much about my visitor, but the more we hung out the more I began to like him and I had a feeling he was into me. I kept catching him stealing glances at me and always offering me the turn to play guitar hero, but I’m never sure if people are really interested or just being nice.

It was the last day of his visit and my roommates and a bunch of our friends, including Johnny, decided to grab breakfast. As we were all getting ready to leave the apartment Johnny complimented me on my dress and then asked how tall I was. I know its weird to say but I always feel like it’s a pickup line when tall men ask women how tall they are, I always say tall people just want to be with each other so they can take over the world!

Later that night I was with Johnny and my roommate Brian, just hanging out on our back porch talking about music. Now Brian is an awesome guy, he’s like the brother I never wanted. He is an awesome friend and a wonderful person to live with - he’s just not the best wing man. As the three of us were on the porch just hanging out Johnny told me that I had very big eyes. I always take this as a compliment, I really do have big blue eyes and I get complements often. (Not trying to sound full of myself, but it’s a fact. My eyes are big.) I can see more of the world than people with small eyes. Okay, that’s not true, but I like to think that.

When I said thank you Brian jumped in and asked me why I said thank you, and that it wasn’t a compliment. Fucking Brian. That’s when Johnny turned to me and said, “I think you have big beautiful eyes, and it was a complement.” And it’s on! In your face, Brian!

I will give Brian the benefit of the doubt, he was drinking and maybe if he was sober he wouldn’t have been such a tool, but that’s when Brian asked me if my twin brother was a virgin too!! First of all, what kind of question is that? Yes, I have a twin brother, but it doesn’t make us the same person.

That’s when Johnny started asking me all these questions about my virginity. Its always an awkward topic to talk about. What am I suppose to say, “Oh I lost the key to my chastity belt.”

Leave it to Brian to make things worse. Brain said how he thought I was too insecure and was too scared to make a move and I was wasting my time chasing after my best friend. Ah! What is this night? And why is my roommate the worst person in the world?

Finally Brian left to go into the kitchen and we were alone.

“Does it really freak guys out to be a virgin” I asked, since my business was all out there anyway. His response was nice , he said its not that it freaks guys out, they just know it’s more of a responsibility. He said that he thought I was beautiful, but knows it’s a big responsibility to be someone’s first. WOW. I mean he’s right, it is a very big responsibility, but now I’m even more attracted to him!! Of course this is when Brian gets back and starts acting like a tool again. 

It was getting late and nothing was going to happen with dick head around. As I was walking into my bedroom Johnny followed me! At my bedroom door he stopped and told me that he was leaving in the morning and wasn’t going to see me. Something was about to happen and all I could do was freak out inside. We stood there awkwardly just staring at each other, and that’s when we hugged. I HUGGED HIM, and walked into my room.

I’m the biggest asshole in the world.

I’m not saying I would have slept with him, but maybe a kiss or something! Johnny was planning on moving to the city in October so we kept in touch via Facebook.

Is that pathetic? And Of course things fell through and we lost touch, now he’s in L.A. or Virginia or somewhere. I still stalk his facebook and think about what a fool I am.

  1. andcupcakes posted this