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Thank God For Trash Cans!

I would like to think we have all done charity work at some point. And I don’t mean working in a soup kitchen. I mean the kind of charity work when you hook up with someone you don’t really care for, but you know they’re head over heels for you. Yes, That kind of charity work.

Well it was my birthday.  I was wasted and all I wanted to do was make-out with someone. Not even fool round so much, just make out with someone….anyone. My birthday is in August so we decided the beer garden would be the perfect place. I had a wonderful turn out of friends and looked really cute too. I wore a tight strapless blue romper, it had a empire waist and was at the time very trendy (think Katy Perry).

After, I don’t know how many beers and a few shots later it was time to head home. Luckily for me I only live a few blocks away and the subway is right there, so who ever was left headed in that direction. Right next to the subway is a playground. Now I don’t remember whose idea it was to go on the swings, but next thing I know is me and a bunch of other twenty something year olds (going on twelve) are playing on this playground. As I was on the swings trying to see who can swing higher, all I could think about was one; how high can I swing and two; the night was almost over and I didn’t kiss anyone! Thats when I spotted my victim. Nick. I’m not attracted to him in the least, but I always suspected he had a little crush on me.  I heard rumors at work and you can just always tell by the way someone looks at you.

One major thing you need to know about Nick is that he is 5’5. Yup, he is like my very own Napoleon. Now I am 5’11 and being with someone who is 5’5 is just something I would never think twice about. Please, just picture this in your mind for a second and tell me thats not comedic almost?? What is with short men liking the climb? More power to a woman that can date a shorter man. You are a better person then me. Even when I put a guy into my phone I put his first name and then his height. I just want to feel protected. If you were getting mugged would you really want to be the one to put the little person on your back and run?

I digress….anyway it was my birthday and I was drunk and knew if I wanted “it” I could get “it.” Nick was leaning on the fences that separated the swing from the rest of the playground. He was leaning with his arms folded, smiling, and staring at the rest of us swinging. Once I spotted him I jumped off the swing and walked over to him and just kissed him. I don’t know how this happen, but the next thing I knew we are all alone making out on the playground in between the slide and the monkey bars; well alone, except for the homeless people surrounding us.  Very sexy.  Everyone else left us!

So here I am “alone” in this park kissing “Napoleon” and he is telling me how he always wanted to kiss me and how he liked me…. blah blah blah, you know all the things a guys says to get a girl into bed. The worst part is when he said “ We should do this more often” (And I’m clearly a BITCH!) I had no plan to ever do this again. Yes the height is one thing, But I’m not that into Nick. If he was taller that would help yes, but don’t think it would have worked out. He is very intense about everything and its a little to much for me. This was just a one time thing and of course my drunk-self couldn’t stop and just set things straight.

Anyway, Rompers are very cute, but not the best for easy access. As my boobs are popping out the top and little man is trying to stick his short stubby fingers up the bottom and its awkward… its time to leave.

The story gets worst, Napoleon ended up coming home with me and the romper ended up coming off. Here is a question, why do men think its sexy to shave their chest?? Don’t get me wrong I’m not into the whole fur thing but come on! He looked like a naked, troll, baby. I just remember looking at him and thinking there was a baby in my bed. With his short legs, little belly. WHAT AM I DOING? You know when you’re just that drunk and yes you’re having a ball but at the same time its like you’re letting yourself make an ass of yourself.

My roommate and some friends were in the next room and I new they where listening and wanted us to give them a show. (I did later find out that they where all up against the door listening. Mission complete) while I was getting fingered with these little sausage fingers I just made sure to make as much noise as possible. Yup that was my moment in the spot light and I was going to ham it up. Its not everyday someone’s in my bed. Now me being the fifteen year old virgin that I am, I just gave him a hand job. Naked troll baby is about is finish and all I feel like doing is taking aspirin, drinking water and sleeping. He asked me if I had a napkin next to my bed or a tissue or something. NO why would I have that? The last thing I was going to do was let him cum on me, I wasn’t THAT into it.

Next thing I know he hops off my bed grabs my trash can from across the bedroom brings it over to the bed grabs my tit and finishes. HE CAME IN THE TRASH CAN!! This kid came in the trash can like it was nothing.

passed out right after that woke up the next morning and I was the little spoon. Which Didn’t make any sense, Nick’s arm couldn’t even reach all the way around me. My friends still give me shit about this night but I ‘ll never for get it . The night he came in the trash.