If my vagina could talk it would probably have one question. “Wait. You want me to sit on your face?” This is something I don’t think I’ll ever understand. I learned about face sitting maybe two years ago and I just don’t get it. I’m scared I would smother someone, that I would just suffocate them with my vagina. And If I did kill them, would I go to jail or just have to wear a chastity belt for the rest of my life? And at that point which one is worse???
It was the week of my birthday and all I wanted for my 22nd birthday was to sit on someones face and be like the rest of the world. I was visiting my friends from home, Long Island, and we were all going to go to a local bar and celebrate my birthday. We thought it was a good idea to pre-game with four loko. This was also before the new four loko came out. So the next thing I know I’m wasted. I don’t mean for most of my blogs to be about my drinking adventures but what can you do? So I’m drunk and I’m saying all I want for my birthday is someone to go down on me. Thats when my friend pushes Tom K into my direction. I can’t tell you what Tom K looks like, Because I don’t remember. All I know is that his name was Tom K. And me and Tom K ended up in the backseat of his friends car.
Now when you end up with a guy in the backseat of a car it’s usually just the two of you. Well in this case I’m in the backseat with Tom K and I’ll say he’s taking care of me. Thats when I look over to the front of the car and notice one of my friends giving a hand job to some kid we went to high school with. Now keep in mind I was too drunk to realize how fucked up this was. I just kept thinking wow this is a really nice bonding moment for all four of us! Thats when I put my fists in the air and fist pumped and yelled “GET IT!” Yes. I fist pumped. So Tom K suggests the moment I have been waiting for. It was time to sit on his face. As we started to re-position my friend yelled out it was time to go. I gathered my things and we ran out of the car. I still never sat on anyone’s face. And I haven’t drank a four loko since.