Sometimes not speaking the same language as someone can be fun. Or it can be the most awkward situation of your entire life! I spent a month traveling through Europe. It was an enchanting experience. I met wonderful people and saw beautiful things. I know that my future husband can be found in the Netherlands. The average height of a man there is 6’3”!!! They wear grandpa sweaters and ride bikes. I’m Sorry but how does that not sound adorable??
Italy was probably my favorite place. It was very romantic and the people are loving. I had one of the most “Fuck My Life” moments in Italy. Me and my friends were in Rome drinking, we found this fun Irish pub. We had a hard time finding bars in Rome and when we did they all had Karaoke. One thing I will never understand, how some people in Europe don’t know a lick of English but they know every word to Lady Gaga’s ‘Poker Face’ and Beyonce ‘Single Ladies’. Funny how it’s music from two years ago.
I was siting at the bar with my friend Sara, think of a more fun version of Snookie, when we met these two boys from Switzerland. They were in Rome studying. Both very cute, tall and blonde. One didn’t speak English and the other knew just enough to get around. Of course I started talking to the one who didn’t speak English. He was less cute then the other, shorter, thinner, his ears were a little pointy so he kinda looked like a hobbit. We tried talking but there were a lot of awkward smiles and speaking like I’m a special ed teacher. Whenever I talk to someone who doesn’t speak english, I cant help but talk to them like I’m talking to someone who is a child. “WHATS…YOUR…Name??” Its a fail waiting to happen. I guess at first it sounds sexy. Making love to someone you can’t understand. But when you’re just sitting wondering if the man in front of you is talking about you in Switzerland, then I don’t think its promising.
Next thing I know we’re making out. I guess it was the only thing we both could understand. So here I am In Rome, at an Irish pub, kissing a guy from Switzerland. After a little while of kissing the elf calls his friend over and starts talking about me in Swiss. His friend who could speak English started asking me where my hotel was. Turns out they had to be back at their dorms by 2 AM or they’ll be locked out. So he was wondering if his elf friend could stay the night. As romanic as it would have been to do it in rome, I don’t think bringing a man back to my hostel with a co-ed room filled with twelve bunk beds to do the deed on a top bunk would have been a fairy tale story. Plus he wasn’t even that good of a kisser and I wasn’t about to give my V card up to a man with elf ears.
Thats when I put my two fingers up, in the shape of a V and kept saying “Virgin, Sorry, Virgin”. One thing they don’t tell you in your travel guide is that putting two fingers up is like sticking up the middle finger, but for europeans. So here I am basically giving them the middle finger repeating “virgin, virgin”. And their looking at me like I’ve gone crazy and I’m gonna pull out a gun. Finally I didn’t know what to do so I yelled “Period!! I period!!” Making gross faces shaking my head as if I was in disgust. Finally the man gets it and tell his friend in Swiss the situation. Thats when they both start nodding their heads in disappointment and telling me “Its okay, its not my fault.” Now whenever I meet someone from Switzerland I can’t help but laugh, and think that they know my story.